“Perhaps I’ve ruined this one already,” says Sam, “I met a tourist during my trip to Eastern Europe. After our first date, I texted her, but I didn’t hear from her. Then I sent her an email, asking to see her again. However, she said she was too busy. I sent her Instagram direct messages and called her. But she didn’t respond. Then she called me and said my behavior was very unattractive. Should I give up now?”
- It’s actually hard to ruin it if it’s the right thing!
“Please be more careful of the ‘I ruined it’ mindset”, I say to Sam, “If it’s actually the right thing, it’s probably quite difficult to ruin it. When your connection with someone is amazing, that person would help you to do it right! Now please relax and take a deep breath. Remember that the right thing is usually the easiest thing to fix.”
Sam and that woman only had one date. Hence, they don’t have a relationship yet. Sam can’t ruin a relationship that doesn’t even exist. When he becomes desperate, communicating automatically devolves into chasing. What’s the difference between communicating and chasing?
As I see it, communicating is indicating “I would love to see you again” while being brave and vulnerable. In contrast, chasing is sending a woman 4 messages on various platforms while hearing nothing from her. In other words, when you continue pursuing a woman who is not even investing in you, you are chasing her.
After our discussion, Sam has realized that currently, there is nothing to give up right now because she isn’t giving him what he wants & they don’t have a relationship in the first place. As a result, Sam is ready to take the energy he is investing here and placing it in new opportunities that give him more promise. Sam has decided to save his very precious time and energy for a woman who deserves his love and attention. Now instead of dating tourists, he is keen to date Eastern European women during his trip to Eastern Europe because he has noticed that women from Eastern Europe have more traditional values and respect men so much more.
- Poets are more common than poetry.
There are more poets than poetry in this world. When you overvalue a woman on a date or lose yourself in the potential of what a woman can be, you are overvaluing the poet. Note that the poet doesn’t really matter; the poetry is key. The poetry is a man and a woman working together to make their relationship work; it’s taking time to look after each other and be more caring. She can say she is a poet. But that’s just potential. An idea. Yet poetry is uncommon.
Recently, Sam has been wondering where he is overvaluing the poet and undervaluing the poetry. He told me that he has learned a lot about himself, dating and relationships during his trip to Eastern Europe.
“Would you look for love during overseas trips?”
