In her phenomenal book Singled Out, Dr Bella DePaulo writes, “People who get married but eventually divorce are already becoming less happy – not more – as they approach their wedding day.” I can confirm that this is absolutely true based on my first-hand experience 15 years ago when I got married to my ex-husband. I still married him anyway because I didn’t trust my intuition which told me that something was wrong – I used logic to justify why I should marry him & it turned out to be a wrong decision. Now I’ve changed my careers and moved houses, so my lifestyle has become very different & I’ve reinvented myself already. Nowadays I’m lucky enough to travel the world while writing content for a variety of blogs, and I’d like to lead with feelings from now on without being too analytical.
- Your gut feeling is always right.
Like I mentioned earlier, I married my ex-husband in spite of how I felt intuitively. My friend Faye went to my wedding. The day after the wedding, Faye sent me a text message: “Your husband is so lucky because he is married to you. I know this message is inappropriate and your wedding just happened yesterday, but when I met your husband at the wedding, I felt something is seriously wrong. Your husband is a dangerous person. Be aware! Look after yourself! I really care about you.”
This is a bit hard to believe, right? But I totally appreciate her selfless message. Actually, from the bottom of my heart & in my subconscious mind, I agree with her.
After receiving the text message from Faye, I went to visit Faye immediately and we had an honest conversation about my journey regarding what had been happening until that point in my life. Both of us truly appreciated the candid conversation and our friendship became even deeper & much better.
At that time, Faye was happily married to a very nice guy, but several years later, she got divorced due to some unexpected complexity. About 2 years after her divorce, I also got divorced. Both her divorce and my divorce were not pleasant. I don’t think her ex-husband is a dangerous man, but their marriage ended badly for some complicated reason. And I know my marriage with my ex-husband ended badly in a different way.
Morale of the story: Your intuition is always right. You don’t need further evidence to prove why you feel a certain way. Trust your intuition.
- The ending of a chapter doesn’t necessarily make the entire chapter negative.
Although my marriage with my ex-husband has ended permanently, it doesn’t mean that marriage has failed. In fact, because of that marriage, both my ex-husband and I can travel the world – we built a successful business together and that joint venture has given us the freedom we needed. Now instead of traveling together, we travel separately because we are simply not together anymore.
If I choose to remember the positives of that marriage, I can think of many: the joy we shared on dates, the classes we attended together, the books we read together, etc. Yes, in the end that marriage wasn’t serving me anymore, so I ended it in time, and it’s a beautiful thing. I mean I can appreciate the beauty in that marriage, and the new chapter of my life after the divorce is magnificent.
“These days my interest is to travel the world and write content for my audience. I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog.”
