Today’s topic is a bit controversial: I think sometimes in life, it’s necessary to get the ex back because we might truly, genuinely believe that the previous relationship is actually the right relationship. Now I’d like to share with you my story regarding how I got my ex back via a trip to Eastern Europe.
- The dilemma:
My ex broke up with me, and then I went overseas – a trip to Eastern Europe gave me the clarity that I needed at that time. After we broke up, I told my ex that I wanted to go “no contact” in the future. However, he was texting me every other day. Hence, I didn’t know what to do and was wondering whether I should reply each time. Further analysis reveals that a major mistake that I could make when going “no contact” is assuming that by replying, I’m getting closer to him to some degree. Although I might feel closer to him in the moment, I’m teaching my ex a potentially dangerous lesson, i.e., I’m showing my ex that he could break up with me yet still feed on my time and attention at the same time. In other words, he never gets a real chance to properly miss me. That means I wanted to reply; nonetheless, I probably shouldn’t, which is a dilemma.
Therefore, I told him, “Kelvin, I truly wanted this to work between us and I seriously miss you. Nevertheless, when you ended our relationship, you actually made it very clear that you didn’t want to continue being with me. As a result, now I’m moving on and I would appreciate you letting me do exactly that. Thank you.” Then I continued spending more time in Eastern Europe alone.
Ironically, by taking that approach which indicated distance between us, he started to take me very, very seriously because he realized that he lost me as well as our relationship. Meanwhile, I have confirmed that I loved him and cherished our relationship.
So, he decided to meet me in person, and we started dating again – just like falling in love for the first time. It eventually became our trip to Eastern Europe.
- How do I know he is the right person for me?
This is not my first relationship. Frankly, my first relationship was unhealthy: the real problem was the elephant in the room that nobody was addressing. That guy was using my insecurity against me by telling me that if I left him, I wouldn’t be able to find anyone better (although that wasn’t my insecurity at all, he thought that was my insecurity – this tells me how much he understood me). That guy would say anything in order to achieve his goal, including manipulating me. Whenever we argued, that guy would bring up the secret that I shared with him in order to use what I said against me. Though he said “you and I are a team”, he simply wanted to use me. So, we were clearly not a team at all. I stopped talking to him completely after we broke up.
By contrast, the relationship that I have successfully repaired is very different – whenever there is an issue, Kelvin is always willing to communicate and he is so kind. Kindness is priceless.
“A real relationship could only be strongly created when you cope with challenges together.”
