I was in a long-term relationship with a man that I really loved, but then we felt like strangers. In order to make peace with it all, I had a trip to Europe – travel gives me the time and space to heal and feel the peace.
I was in a long-term relationship with a man that I really loved, but then we felt like strangers. In order to make peace with it all, I had a trip to Europe – travel gives me the time and space to heal and feel the peace.
- Memories of the romantic relationship VS realities of the individual:
During a breakup, I tend to hold on to memories of the romantic relationship instead of the realities of that person. These two aspects are very, very different.
Memories of the relationship are usually amazing: lots of fun, a tremendous amount of joy, beautiful date nights, unexpected gifts, interesting places we visited together, ….
In contrast, realities were the reasons why the relationship didn’t work. Even if the reality was he broke up with me, it’s a huge reason why he should be deemed wrong for me anyway.
I have to understand that life is happening right here, right now. I will never ever have these current moments again. Hence, I shouldn’t waste too much time on someone from the past when there is so much real life and exciting future to savor and look forward to.
For example, right now I’m listening to a wonderful song, drinking a cup of matcha latte, watching birds fly outside the window and writing this article. It’s a nice environment. I truly appreciate everything around me in this moment. I’m grateful for the freelance work that I do: I can work from home; I can travel while working on my laptop; I can do my work at any time; I don’t have to go to the office before 9am from Monday to Friday; I don’t have a boss that I need to report to; I don’t have to dress up for work;
- Another way to look at a relationship that has ended:
In fact, my memory of my ex is purely based on who he was (and who I was) at that point in time only. If I see him in two years, I might realize how much he has changed. In other words, the guy I’m missing doesn’t realistically exist anymore. So, I should stop thinking about him, stop talking about him, stop checking out his social media. Indeed, it’s a big world; he is simply a drop in a huge ocean of stories. Each guy I meet is a brand-new story that I can explore in the future.
My trip to Europe has given me enough time to see it through. Now I know when I’m thinking of a relationship that I wish I could get back, I have to acknowledge that I was half of that romantic relationship. What’s more, if I put more into the relationship than he did, I may have been 80% of the relationship. That is to say, I was a major part of making those memories, those moments, that romance, that energy. Meaningful relationships are all about two worlds that are coming together – at least half of that combined world (what I miss now) – I still have, as a matter of fact, because I still have me (and I always will).
“A trip to Europe has given me sufficient space and time just to properly and fully recover from a breakup. Now I feel much more positive.”
