We always read books and blog articles about how to start relationships, but when do we read something about how to be single? Well, now I’m going to write a blog post about how to be single because I’ve been traveling solo after a major breakup!
The reality of a solo life:
For a lot of people, being single is painful – loneliness, disappointment, peer pressure, etc. However, a solo life doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, I find my solo life really cool – I don’t have to put up with anyone that I can’t stand; I have many friends; I enjoy interesting experiences in life; I can be very spontaneous!
More importantly, I have choice and I don’t have to settle down. 😉
The reason I find my solo life very enjoyable is because I have finally learned how to say no to people that I don’t want to see. I used to put up with my ex’s family and friends. Frankly, I couldn’t stand many of those people. But now I’m free. Totally free! Isn’t this liberating?!
When I say no to things that I don’t want to do, I am able to have the bandwidth to say yes to things that I actually want to do. Now I can hold the boundary and keep my standards.
Going out with the same people, staying in the same boring job, being married to a lame person…. These are so dull and unmotivating. I want to create a life by design, not by default.
Making new decisions = opening new doors
Although your comfort zone might keep you away from things that might hurt you, your comfort zone also stops you from experiencing things that could heal you.
So, why not make a bold decision?
Frankly, we all live in the big expanse of unknown. I remember in 2007 I left a comfortable job in an international organization for a sales job in a family business. The sales job didn’t work out because the family business owner and manager were very paranoid – it was the business owner’s own money; they have very different expectations. In contrast, big corporations are not paranoid. I left the big organization for the sales job in a family business simply because I actually loved doing sales in a retail environment (it was my interest at that time). But I still remember when I was leaving the international organization, my supervisor said to me, “You are leaving this job for a sales job in a family business. You might regret doing that.” Well, actually, the family business fired me within 1 week because they “prefer someone who has more retail experience”. In other words, I became immediately unemployed after leaving the comfortable job at the big organization. Nevertheless, two weeks later, I found a new and much better job in a larger corporation which was near my home at that time. It turns out that the family business gig was a blessing in disguise.
That is to say, because I made a bold decision, the final result was ideal, even though the process was not pleasant.
When you are single, you have the freedom to make a bold decision. Maybe you want to change your career / go traveling / change neighborhoods. Why not do it now?
Travel solo = date myself
My ‘me time’ is so sacred and precious. When I was in a relationship, my life was about my partner at the time. I rarely had any ‘me time’. But now I’m single, so I can do whatever I want in my spare time – I can have proper ‘me time’ at last!
Honestly, there are very, vey few things that require a partner to be fully enjoyed. Spa appointments, upscale restaurants, movies … All of these could be thoroughly enjoyed by single people.
When I travel solo, I meet many people. I can date without needing a solid outcome. I’m not asking “Is this person the one?” No pressure, no stress, no worries. Now I simply focus on learning something new about the person I’m spending my time with and choosing activities that are fun for me to do, even if I know I’m not going to marry that person. Why not relax and smell the roses?
Now I don’t look backwards because I am slowly growing into a new version of myself that no longer need to be with my ex.
No matter I will have a new relationship or not, I am taking solid action every single day that are totally in line with my true values.
“I don’t need to wonder how many dates I’ve had each week / whether I will meet the one before Christmas / whether I will be chosen by someone. Now I am the creator of my life and I embrace good things that are happening to me. I am ready to try new experiences. I am super proud of myself.”